KEYS TO EFFECTIVE FIGHTING (PART 1)
The conference is hosted by the amazing Pete and Geri Scazzero.
Pete and Geri are a dynamic couple who have cracked the code on emotional and spiritual health. Their content, tools and insights are transforming lives internationally.
So I thought I would share a few things from the conference.
One item that was on the agenda was the topic of "CLEAN FIGHTING."
A "clean fight" is a negotiation between two people for the sake of the relationship. The person asking for the clean fight recognizes that it is their issue verses projecting blame on someone else.
"Dirty fighting" tactics consist of anger, avoidance, silent treatment, escalation, complaining, sarcasm, put downs, passive aggressive behavior or using "always" or "never." This is how we typically fight with each other.
So here is the EHS way of clean fighting for the "speaker." Tomorrow I will share the steps for the "listener."
STEP 1. Ask permission to do a clean fight with the person.
STEP 2. State the problem. Start the sentence with "I notice..."
For example: "I notice...that we often start meetings late because you are not ready."
STEP 3. State why it is important to you. Use the statement "I value..."
For example: "I value respecting other people's time and promptness."
STEP 4. Fill in the following sentence: "When you (blank), I feel (blank)" This sentence will help you describe your feelings and why this is YOUR problem, not their problem.
For example: "When you are late to meetings, I feel disrespected and stressed."
STEP 5. State clearly, respectfully and specifically your request. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!
For example: "I would like to ask you to be 10 minutes early to all Thursday morning staff meetings or call me 15 minutes ahead of time if you think you're going to be late."
Tomorrow I will share the next 4 steps for the listener and how to get resolution on this problem. To buy the EHS book click here.
So how do you typically fight? Clean or dirty? Any tips you can share?