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By April 17, 2012 community 7 Comments

I read an article last week about a new British TV series called The Undatables, which examines the world of dating and the disabled.   It explores the difficulties that people with physical and mental disabilities can have with things that others take for granted — like meeting people and forming relationships.  As part of an organization that values community so strongly, this struck a chord with me.

What’s interesting is that, while the show’s concept revolves around people with “handicaps,” I’ve known people who have been undateable for entirely different reasons.  Some are incapacitated by substance abuse. Others are paralyzed by past trauma.  Still others are simply struggling to figure out who they really are.  In the end, it’s not even about dating, but struggling to find community in general.

And so it seems that we all have something in common — the capacity to find ourselves without community, even when we’re surrounded by people every day. POTSC believes that second chances start with community, and without it, grace tends to be far too scarce.

Shows like The Undateables remind me that there are people hurting for relationships all around us.  If you’re one of those people, know that you are among friends. Your story matters, your pain matters, and YOU matter.

What’s the un_____ you struggle with?  Share it below, and let’s see if we can’t strengthen our community this very day.


  • anneliese :) says:

    Oh Lord! Where do I even begin! Love this post. like, with all my heart. So good! Being a college student, I struggle with the idea that I am not smart enough (I’m heavily involved on my campus, a member of over 3 honor societies, and currently a research scholar…heeeellllo someone slap me!?) Another un____ i struggle would actually be undateable as well. I believe it when my friends say I’m a great catch, but when a guy says he….nope he’s lying. or blind. or crazy. or all three of these. I think in reality, what I struggle with is just being confident in who I am and embracing me for who I am-the good, bad, and the ugly. I have amazing friends, amazing family, and an amazing network of people of motivate, encourage, and help me be the best version of me which I am beyond grateful for. Gaining confidence in myself however is the struggle and what I work on daily. it’s all about baby steps lol :) thank you for posting this blog!

  • Laura Anne says:

    It’s not a BBC show. It’s Channel 4. And it has made HUGE stereotypes, the advertising for it was pretty offensive and hugely stigmatising.

    Sorry, just the mention of it makes me so angry. The first night it aired here in the UK I watched some of my friends with long term illness and learning difficulties be so hurt by the whole thing. In fact a friend of mine was interviewed for the show, and they refused to let him be part of it because he was leading too ‘normal’ a life for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome.

  • mohan37 says:

    Yikes!  Too bad about the show.  I don’t imagine this post was meant to be an endordsement, though.  Still, it goes to show that our words matter as much as community.  

  • mohan37 says:

    I’d say I’ve struggled with unQUALIFIED over the years.  Insecurity is always lurking around the corner.  

  • Xanderthol says:


  • It seems to me as if we’re all undatable because we all come equipped with handicaps, whether of the physical, mental, emotional, or social sort. That’s what makes the process of dating and love and marriage so beautiful. It’s a long process of grace when two undatable people come together to form a relationship that lasts through the years. 

    Those are beautiful faces above.

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